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Illusionary Relation


Illusionary, or mirage, relations, like semi-duality, are similar to duality in that many of each partners' functions directly correspond to the unconscious expectations of the other. In relations of semi-duality partners' odd-numbered functions match those of the other person's dual, while in illusionary relations it is the even-numbered functions. That is, partners' use of their 2nd, 4th, 6th, and 8th functions more or less meets the other's expectations, while the rest are the opposite of what is expected for comfortable interaction. In practice this translates to a perception that the other person can be useful in solving practical issues that arise, but partners do not find each other fascinating — as they do duals or semi-duals — due to an absence of suggestion through their 5th function.

At a distance, illusionary partners may experience a wide range of attitudes to each other — from like to mutual mockery — but this is generally true of most intertype relations. In closer contact, partners find they can be of practical assistance to each other in a variety of ways, even if they are not driven to become close emotionally. Leadership duties are divided naturally between partners, one of which is extraverted and the other introverted, and who both share a common rational or irrational approach to living. Despite this significant underlying compatibility, prolonged interaction leads to a dissatisfaction with everything about the relationship that is related to the other's leading function. Partners unconsciously expect the other person to accept their general sentiments about things and build upon them, but illusionary partners inevitably present their own completely independent worldviews that are somewhat at odds with the other's. This is because if one partner's leading function is Si, the other's is Se; or, if one's is Fe, the other's is Fi, and so on. Partners' worldviews, central values, and general approaches are similar in that they focus on similar kinds of things, but they are hardly compatible in practice. Where one sees opportunities that must be developed immediately, the other wants to wait and do nothing for the time being. Then, the tables turn and the other person suddenly feels it is time to do something, while the other believes that there is nothing to be done at the moment.

Illusionary relations occur between two types, each of which has the others' "hidden agenda" (Activating function; 6th) function as their creative (2nd) function. However, one's leading (1st) function is the others' ignoring (7th) function. This means that the two are like a dual couple on how they interact with the world, but not on how they view the world. Illusionary relations tend to appear close or compatible from an outside perspective, but the partners themselves may not get along. The closer the relationship becomes, the more strained it gets. A parent-child illusionary relationship may be turbulent at home, but will be more natural, relaxed, and mutually beneficial when on vacation together.

Illusionary relations range from apparent compatibility, offset by the occasional small, short argument to mutual understanding and tolerance of the other's quirks to complete aversion and disregard for the other's lifestyle. The relationship usually progresses smoothly, but it depends on how close the partners are, what terms the relationship started on, and which of the two leads the relationship (usually the older, more experienced partner.) A lack of understanding of the other's lifestyle seems to be the biggest cause for upheaval.

Illusionary pairs

Description by various authors

Valentina Meged, Anatoly Ovcharov

The comfort levels in these relationships are relatively good, as long as partners are attentive to each other and offer mutual sympathy. Ignoring the views and interests of your mirage partner leads to conflicts over small things, but fortunately these are quickly forgotten. Communication is relaxing and distracting in nature. Disputes are rare and usually end with a compromise. Partners try to give each other moral support and assistance, but their lack in understanding the motives, goals and actions of one another has an inhibiting effect on their ability to cooperate and often makes joint achievement impossible. It is very difficult to choose a mode of action that would be suitable for both. Relations can become rather warm when the partners spend time on leisure or discuss extraneous topics together. Differences in opinion and incapacity to offer each other mutual aid is offset by the overall pleasant emotional tone of these relations, since the partner doesn't seem to be so distant from your ideal.

I.D. Vaisband, publications on Socionics

These relations in their course begin to feel boring and stagnant. They lack in emotional contrasts. There is not enough sincerity since mirage partners find it difficult to quarrel. Partners seek to understand one another but they cannot assess each other's wishes well. These relations are best suited for activities that are not very serious: vacations, relaxation, leisure and entertainment, and so on. Engaging in productive activity together is difficult. Mirage partner is perceived as a lightweight, not very serious, though decent and charming person, who makes for a pleasant company, but you're not drawn to rely on him in serious ventures. Conflicts are relatively rare. In family life these relations can be quite pleasant for those who appreciate psychological comfort.

O.B. Slinko "The key to heart - Socionics"

Mirage partner often seems pleasant and attractive, but he is somehow always eluding your understanding. It seems that he is as if hidden behind a kind of semi-transparent veil, so that you can admire him, but never fully understand him. Mirage partner demobilizes and softens you, resulting in a state of mental and physical relaxation. His speech is pleasing to you with its brilliance and originality, but it is difficult to grasp its meaning. Continuous willful effort is required to maintain an active dialogue between mirage partners. With such partner it is nice to relax, but when trying to engage in common activities, your completely different mindsets make taking concerted action complicated if not impossible. Often mirage partners simply do not understand one another and so each talks about his own topics of interest. In the initial stage of development of these relations this can cause some misunderstandings.

A.V. Bukalov, G. Boiko, "Why Saddam Hussein made a mistake, or what is Socionics"

These relations are usually pleasant, but only for mutual leisure time. It is difficult to accomplish something serious together because your partner's thought flow seems very hazy, as if in a cloud of smoke. His intentions never fully get through - it is as if they get absorbed by a wall of cotton. From this originates the inability of mirage partners to fully understand one another. When discussing a problem, partners are interested in different aspects, which often brings up a question: "how can he be interested in such nonsense?" and leads to irritation. Same applies to common work: partners support each other's activities, due to which a state of relaxation is induced. In family mirage partners can display lowered interest in one another.

Victor Gulenko, "Criteria of reciprocity"

Interruption of comfort

Communication is not as interesting, as it is useful. Sense of comfort is achieved only if partners communicate calmly. Disagreements and disputes may arise quite suddenly. When both partners get into a stressful situation, the balance in upset: they cannot easily calm each other down. What is unpleasant is that at times your mirage partner may rudely without warning interfere with your affairs. As a result you will be prompted to confront him or her to reset your boundaries. Mirage partner commonly does not fully approve of your interests and hobbies. Discussions are not very productive.

Binary attributes of intertype relations

Mirage partners enjoy talking to each other one-on-one rather than interacting with a larger group. Discussions which originate at the influence of outsiders may lead to serious disagreements. This pair has little interest in outside world and may isolate itself focusing on their own internal world and problems.

Mirage relations are characterized by constant ebb and flow in understanding between partners. They require that partners are able to predict each other's behavior depending on their mood. Discussions aimed at finding truth, finding common point of view, etc. are not effective. These relations require ability to reach a compromise. Partners are often unable to work out any planned style of living together. Their mutual plans also have a mirage, illusionary nature. Mirage is better suited for leisure activities rather than productive work.

Mirage relations are characterized by refined lyrical emotional atmosphere and a peculiar sense of humor. For mirage relations variability of internal states is indicative - from alluring feelings of harmony to real hate towards your partner. Changing lyrical and nostalgic states, which periodically occur in mirage, strengthen the confidence in each other, but at the same time provoke sadness for the fragility of human happiness.

These relations become often infused with curiosity and at the same time alarming premonitions. In these relations even if you experience bitterness of failure, still you don't lose faith that things will improve. Strengthening of intuitive qualities of partners helps them keep each other away from hasty actions and adapt to each other. In mirage relations there are strong internal emotions. For stability of relations mirage partners must sympathize for each other in their souls. In these relations try to be responsive to your partner's initiatives.

Mirage relations are also subject to inevitable break downs. Partners may vie for autonomy, the right to have their own interests, different from the interests of the other partner. In disputes, it is characteristic for partners to insist on their own rightness without trying to explain their point of view to each other. Increasing the distance and spending some time away, however, both partners calm down. Trying to logically prove that you are right in these relations, that your decision of reasoning is the correct one, has a poor effect and doesn't work.

Advice for getting along

These relationships can be classified as spontaneous. It is meaningless to wait for or demand some orderliness in behavior or to force your partner to act against his will. Relations allow for joint work of technical nature, but general entrepreneurial business activity in them is quite problematic.

Do not search for logic in behavior of your mirage partner. It is better not to argue about who is right, but have a heart-to-heart discussion about life and its complexities. Relations are conducive to relaxation and dreaming. They benefit from humor, from optimistic mood. They are characterized by interaction within small social circles with elements of sophistication and refined aesthetics.

Do not request hard commitments from each other. These relations are stable under mild conditions and gentle forms of behavior. Pay close attention to the mood of the other partner and adapt yourself accordingly. It will become evident who is the leader and who is following. Discuss strange, mysterious phenomena that inspire curiosity. When one partner picks up an activity, the other should try to join in and provide support without asking questions.

Ekaterina Filatova, "Art of understanding yourself and others"

Here, just like in the case of duality, partners are able to help each other through the connections between 2nd and 3rd channels. However, there is no complementary connection between 1st and 4th channels. This means that it is easier for partner to maintain good relations in matters that are not very serious – for example, light conversations and leisure time.

In these relations, it's not readily evident that the 4th channel of each partner is not receiving any support. Generally these relations are quite pleasant, but no more than that. The strong functions of partners are essentially the same, just of different orientation, thus the strong function of a partner is not appreciated (as in "I can do the same"), while the weak function is presented in an unfavorable light. Thus partners perceive each other as not exceptionally significant or authoritative, but charming and captivating persons, with whom it would be nice to spend some time with but not get into any serious projects. Exceptions are situations when mutual activity falls completely into the area of influence of 1st channel. In family life, these relations can be quite favorable, especially for those for whom the factor of psychological comfort is primary.

It should also be noted that in mirage relations there is no communication between identical functions. Therefore, if the partners do not feel support for their weak functions from each other, they usually cannot reach an agreement in their life positions.

Sergei Ganin

These are relations of growing laziness. There are no other intertype relations that can deactivate partners so much as Illusionary relations. Illusionary partners find it comfortable being relaxed together, discussing different subjects. What one partner is talking about is always interesting, but in order to understand the partner better the other partner needs to force themselves. This difficulty in making an effort also makes achieving goals together almost impossible.

Mutual business or other activity is complicated, because Illusionary partners do not understand the reasons and motives of each other's actions. Whatever one partner tries to achieve usually appears insufficient and worthless to the other. Because partners expect different kinds of activity from each other, they become negative and may criticize each other's intentions and objectives. For an observer, this misunderstanding between partners can appear to be humorous.

The introvert partner usually tries to free themselves from the attempts of the extrovert partner to impose their opinions. The introverts seek independence. The extrovert partner wants to make their introvert partner into what they consider to be a "normal person". Both partners are distrustful of each other abilities.

Disagreements in these relations are usually short because partners are drawn to each other. From time to time Illusionary relations become really warm and caring. It normally happens when partners work together but not on the same task. Partners may feel inspired with the result of a successfully finished project, however when they try to start a new project, they again meet the same difficulties in co-operation.

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